I was sweeping the kitchen and reminiscing about college. I recalled the depth of my depression during this time. I remember being in my dorm room at Louisiana Tech talking to my buddy Len who was down the road at Grambling. I remember crying and rambling as I relieved the emotion of my abuse and the betrayal of my fiance and the guilt. This was 25 years ago. I think these events happened. I’m glad I had a voice of the other end of the phone.
I understand flashbacks. I understand crying
myself to sleep night after night. I understand sleeping to keep from thinking and the dread of morning. I understand racing, obsessive thoughts.
Psalm 38:6-8
I understand wanting to trust someone but being afraid of everyone.
I never want to forget those things.
Remembering those things allows me to have a connection with every other person who has experienced these horrors. Connection is what got my attention and began my road to recovery. 
But I still didn’t trust. Not anyone. Not God. Until I did trust God.
But how did I do that? I trusted a little.
“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and test Me now in this,” says the LORD of hosts, “if I will not open for you the windows of heaven and pour out for you a blessing until it overflows.
Luke 17:6 So the Lord said, “If you have faith as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, ‘Be pulled up by the roots and be planted in the sea,’ and it would obey you.
I started with a tiny bit of faith and a broken spirit. He lifted my head. (Psalm 3:3) I once walked with my head lowered afraid to meet others’ eyes. Now I look at the hills from where my help comes from (Psalms 121:1). I look up to the sky because my salvation is near (Luke 21:28).
Taste and see that the Lord is good. Can’t imagine wholeness? Afraid to ask for joy? Believe that peace is out of reach? He is able to do much more than you can imagine (Ephesians 3:20). There is nothing to hard for Him (Genesis 18:14; Jeremiah 32:17, 27; Like 18:27).
Be Blessed.
FREE AND REDEEMED 